School may be out, but there is much left to do for a child with autism. Even getting into the car and taking the ride home can be a stressor if they have been listening, complying, masking, and processing all day. An after-school routine that includes time to decompress before starting homework, attending appointments, having snacks or meals, or doing chores or other activities, can reduce the pressure on the child.
Ride Home
This is where you can start to decompress. While some kids want to share about their day right away, other kids prefer to keep it quiet until you get home. Ask them how their day was, tell them your expectations for the afternoon, and leave space for them to share. They can tell you what they want, or you can just confirm the after-school routine.
If the pick-up time has changed or there is another disruption, it is important to communicate that with the child as soon as possible. Use a visual schedule, a text message, or verbal instructions so they can understand the change. When we anticipate a change, it is less stressful than when we are surprised.
It can also help to provide some comfort on the way home, whether that means listening to music (over here), wearing sunglasses or headphones, carrying a fidget, or riding in the same seat/car as normal. We want the child to feel safe and comfortable as soon as possible. You don’t have to fill every second with sensory items, but having a familiar item might reduce the amount of unknown.
Arriving Home
There are lots of steps involved in arriving home, from getting out of the car, entering the house, and putting their stuff away. Giving them too many instructions at one time can be overwhelming. A short and sweet sequence of arriving home could include taking off shoes, placing backpack in its designated spot, and spending ten minutes in their favorite spot. Repeat the same steps each day, and allow some time for the child to respond.
Some afternoons are going to be harder than others. Sometimes nonessential tasks can be set aside, even if it means leaving the lunch box in the backpack for a little while longer. Is it worth taking the time to remind the child to bring out their lunch, or is it worth giving them some time to reorient themselves?
Allow Time for Decompression
Decompression does not look the same for everyone. Some kids need to move, jumping, walking, swinging, while others crave a dark room and quiet. Sometimes the same child needs to move, and sometimes they need to withdraw. This might depend on the day, or even the time of the day. Be aware of the signs of a meltdown, with the full details, and if you see them coming, ease up on the pressure. Look for behaviors such as ears covered, repetitive speech, withdrawal, constant movement, or excessive rigidity with small things. Try not to stop them or redirect them in the moment, but instead reduce expectations, give them space, and offer something familiar they can use to regulate.
Your aim is to create the environment where the child can successfully regulate, not to force it.
Be Predictable with Food and Medicine
Hungry kids are cranky kids, so having food ready for them can help. If there is a specific place for the snack and a specific snack, that can help the child understand expectations and feel reassured. Offer options when possible, but avoid offering too many options. It can be more stressful to decide between three choices than to choose between two.
Be careful about offering new options when the usual choice isn’t available. If they are used to eating a particular brand of crackers and they aren’t around, it might be hard for them to accept a different one. Let them know the usual snack isn’t available and offer alternatives instead of silently substituting the usual. They might still be unhappy, but at least the situation makes sense to them.
If there is a medicine routine, follow the written care plan carefully and do not deviate from it. Follow the timing, the doses, the record keeping, and any parent notes. Do not guess about whether or not to give the medicine, or what to do if it is refused. If there is a problem with the medicine, call the parents.
Plan for Afternoon Activities
After the child has had time to settle, go through the afternoon plans with them. Homework, physical therapy, dinner, bath, or recreational activities will feel less stressful if you do them one at a time.
Maintain Consistency Day to Day
An effective after-school routine is both flexible and consistent (https://yourefirsthomecare.com). If the same person is responsible for pick-up, they can learn how to communicate effectively with the child, identify sensory issues, recognize signs of overload, and understand how to help the child relax.
It also helps to have written handoffs so everyone knows how the child is doing. Record any changes in schedule, the child’s food intake and medication, the child’s demeanor, and any strategies that helped the child feel calmer. Consistency and communication are key. The first 90 minutes after school can be less stressful for everyone involved!